Tuesday, August 9, 2011

One Voice

I am my mothers voice.  I make all decisions for her as she cannot make her own.  This is not a role or job I ever wanted.  Fortunately, I have done better for her than I have at times done for myself.  I am an only child and therefore have no one to consult when acting on her behalf.  Sometimes it's a blessing and other times a curse.
I am moving my mother to a new facility.  In the space of five years, she is months away from exhausting her entire life savings.  The quality of her current placement has been on a downward spiral for several months.  The outstanding staff members are leaving only to be replaced by people who don't share the same affection or respect for those whose care is entrusted to them.  I dread the move and the subsequent disruption in her functioning.  I feel guilty already but logic tells me this move is necessary.
She is moving to a 33 bed two story Victorian ten minutes from my home.  I travel an hour one way currently to visit her.  Is part of my decision based on convenience for me.......absolutely.
I did mention I'm tired...right?  There is a resident black lab dog who goes by the name Armando (more on him later) and two furry felines who own the place and whatever beds they happen to claim on any given day.  It sounds good.  Why does this feel so difficult?  I have been second guessing myself for two days.  I have interviewed other facilities and found them lacking.  In short, I have done all I can do to assure that she goes to a good, caring place.  The thing is.....no matter how clean, how respectful, how caring, cats or no cats.....I would never want to be in one of these places and the fact is, neither would she.


  1. Pam, I can feel your struggle through your own clarity of voice. You have taken a tragedy and made it a description of love and persistence and commitment. I may not be far from the same situation and hope to learn from you in this regard. Best wishes.

  2. Ten minutes from your home. That has to make you feel better. Focus on your good things. Ten minutes is a good thing! Way better than an hour. You are one person doing everything in your power that you can. What more can anyone ask of you.