Monday, October 10, 2011
I have taken up knitting since her move. I know only one stitch and how to make a scarf. I now have a drawer full of future Christmas presents (sorry about ruining the surprise), each one knit in her presence and held to her cheek for a small gift of texture and softness. When I cleaned out her house two years ago, I found drawers full of my clumsily made cards, pot holders and artwork from my childhood. I offer up my scarves as continued proof of our relationship.
She is treated well in her new place. When they enter her room to change her diaper, I flee to the hallway. Ashamed at myself who cannot bear this ritual and sadness for her that it is so. I cast off my hopes of her recovery....I cast on a tougher outer shell. Welcome to the new normal.