Tuesday, November 9, 2010


My mothers roommate of 3 years died last night. Her name was Stella and while I cannot say I knew her well, this is what I did know. She had a niece who visited often in the beginning and then not so much. She had beautiful long white hair which the nurses brushed and kept in a long plait down her back. Her face was hardly touched by age, though she was well into her 70's, and the lines of anguish I see so often on the faces of others with Alzheimer's was absent on hers. She was usually quiet and subdued though on a few occasions, she'd tell anyone within a 5 foot radius to "FUCK OFF". I must admit to a little smile and "you go Stella" whenever she did this. I will also admit that I felt a bit of happiness for her tonight that she gets to finally leave this life that has been dealt to her. I mean seriously, how much pureed food and ever present odor of urine can one human endure. The answer apparently...a whole lot. But I digress....

I found out she died this evening while visiting my mom. I walked into their room to find Stella's side completely bare of furniture, no pictures on the walls and no sign of clothing in the closet. When I inquired at the nurses station, I'm informed that due to HIPPA regulations and confidentiality laws, they are unable to officially tell me. Off the record I am told she has died. Really? I know its not much of a club, but to those of us with family on the inside...its our club and these losses mean something to us. Confidentiality be damned, but again...I digress.

So here's the kicker to the whole story....my mother and Stella both confined to wheelchairs, both sleep in beds at least 30 feet away from each other.....my mother is so deaf that you have to yell into her ear while standing practically on top of her and she still doesn't hear you and on top of that she hasn't uttered a single intelligent sentence in about 5 weeks....Stella and mom go to bed at 8pm last night, bed checks at 8:30, 9:00, 9:30 and 10:00 all good....at 10:30, my mom yells out quite clearly "please someone, come here now, we need help". Stella has died.

There are more things I probably can't explain than things I can. This is one of them. Who says there is no mystery, it's everywhere you turn.

1 comment:

  1. I bet our conscious life limits us from picking up all that is unseen and beyond normal perception. Surely your mother must have known something. Mystery is the right word for this... Thanks, Pam.