Where we are at.....

This is not a flattering picture of my mom but it is an honest one.  I have tried hard to not sugarcoat Alzheimer's in this blog.  It has been some time since I have written....the words have been there  but for fear of repeating myself over and over....I remain silent.

It is coming up on a year since I moved my mom to the nursing home she is in.  Since leaving the last facility, she has gained some weight, hasn't had a single UTI and wears matching clothes every single day!  The staff are generous in their love and kindness and not a moment goes by in which I don't feel very grateful to have found this loving home for her to be in.

She sleeps between breakfast and lunch and then sleeps some more before dinner.  I rarely catch her alert but still am met with a soft kiss to my hand when I stroke her cheek.  She smiled a few weeks ago, but smiles are fleeting and pass quickly.  The resident cat jumped into her lap last week and she said.."cat, ..off".  Alzheimer's has not changed her dislike for cats in her lap.  The resident dog spends a great deal of time on the floor by her bed.  He follows her wheelchair when she is taken to the day room.  She seems to be unaware of his presence but he doesn't seem bothered by this and continues to stay by her side.

Occasionally she says something about students and you know she is having a teaching memory.  She no longer recognizes anyone in her photos including herself.  She slips away a little more each day.  Though I search for awareness and some sign of the mom I used to know....I find none.

In the back of my closet are four dresses that she used to wear.  They were her favorites and mine.  Though several sizes too big for her now, I am unable to part with them.  It's silly really, I emptied out and sold my childhood home but can't seem to get rid of four dresses.  And that is where we are at.....