We moved deeper into the country two years ago. Our backyard is host to Hawks, Turkeys, Pileated Woodpeckers, Bears, Deer and Racoon. There is a super-highway of chipmunk tunnels underneath our back deck and I suspect that one day we will simply disappear into a large sink hole full of acorns. I am married to the modern day Elmer Fudd. Like Elmer, who's nemesis was that wascally wabbit...my husbands ire has been raised by the squirrels who routinely eat from my bird feeders. At 6:15 every morning just as the first bird starts tweeting, he leaps from our bed and grabbing his trusty pellet gun runs buckass naked to the back yard. Unbeknownst to me in my early morning slumber, he hears that wascally gway sqwirrel leap onto the feeder for his morning meal. POW...the pellet guns mighty retort goes, scaring every living animal in a 1 mile radius and abruptly pulling me from my morning sleep. I yell, I carry on...shhhh, he says. I'm hunting sqwirrels. Be vwery, vwery quiet. The numbers of visiting squirrels have dwindled though whether its due to the pellet gun or the naked guy scaring the crap out of them...I'm not sure. As far as I can see, the only thing he's shot so far has been my inflatable pool toy. I'll stand over here while Elmer wrestles that mighty squirrel!

The Land of Buck-up

Ahh resiliency...it's the one trait I most admire in others and until this summer, I thought I had a wealth of it myself. I time my visits with my mom to catch her at a good time, which typically means she's awake and talking. I spend 4 mornings a week with her and about an hour is all I can take. I hate to admit this but with Alzheimers, its more about you than it is your mom. The tears start for me as I drive to visit her. It's always a crap shoot as to what I will be greeted with. I loudly announce myself with a "Hello Mom"....shes completely deaf having decided a year ago to toss her hearing aids in the laundry. Her top teeth are another story entirely...god knows what she did with those! She hasn't known me for the last 5 weeks, though her pleasure at my visits bring me some consolation. This morning she tells me she went fishing when I inquire about her day. We spend some time talking about this excursion and it is clear she enjoyed herself immensely. I do not know if this is a past memory or one of her current delusions. It does not matter I find. There was a time when I was insistent that she must know me, that she must place me in the proper location of her history. Alzheimers always gets the last laugh! I tag along behind, grateful for any scraps. I cry for all that has been lost and hope for her sake that her faith of seeing her loved ones again will be realized. Ahh resiliency...my mom sure has some, has had it her whole life. In the meantime, I hang tightly to all I have.

Welcome to my blog....I've never done this before and I have no idea what makes me think anyone would actually read this thing. Egos get the best of everyone I guess. Besides turning 50 two months ago, I guess the important thing about me is that my mom has Alzheimers disease and I have many thoughts and feelings about that. I used to write in college but haven't in a long while. I have found since sitting with this disease that the creative juices are flowing again. I'm also a psychotherapist, wife, pretty loyal friend, cat owner, part time party planner and wild animal whisperer (don't ask).
So read on....and thanks for stopping by.

Coming Home

If I bring you home

will you come back to us?

Will the smell of your lilacs through the back window,

jog a distant memory

of family,

of me?